UGH. WHAT THE EFF UNIVERSE!?

So that guy I talked about before. Well we have been consistently texting and chatting and talking on the phone. We have pretty much come to the consensus that we do like each other, alot, but that things are…well…complicated.

WELL OBVIOUSLY. This guy is in a relationship. AND lives with him.

Yet he flirts with me and tells me how awesome I am and that we are going to have a ton of fun hanging out this summer.

And the whore that I am, ive been flirting back. I like him. ALOT. We have so much in common. Yes I only went on one date with him, but I tend to be a good judge of character, and he had a really good “energy” and “vibe” to him.

I seriously don’t know what to do. If I develop feelings for him, which I can totally see happening, and have already started a little, and then this continues down the road and one day he just up and leaves and says “well you knew from the begining what the situ was” i would be crushed. Like hardcore.

OH BUT IT GETS BETTER.

Maybe im a douchebag, but I went on a date. With someone else.

This guy is older. 40. But he has this amazing youthful energy to him, and hes really good looking, so you couldnt tell that he was 40. Mid 30s maybe.

It was the BEST first date I have ever been on in my 24 years of living.
For Real.

It was such an impromptu thing too. He just asked me out, and I took a chance and said yes.

Went to his place, had a drink and got to know each other a bit, and then he called a cab and we went to probably one of , if not the most fancy / expensive sushi restaurants in the city. Ki. Food was absolutely to DIE FOR.

But the conversation was what really had me. This guy, its like we were on the same wavelength. Amazing chemistry. We have not as much in common as I do with the other guy, but we still had amazing chemistry. We talked and talked and talked, and were the last people to leave the restaurant. He was so charming and thoughtful and decent and was just a guy of pure good intentions.

I had forgotten that there are really nice guys out there. This guy was absoltely fantastic. I felt so comfortable with him all night, so at ease. Usually on a first date there is some degree of awkwardness, but there was none. NONE.

After dinner we went back to his place and talked some more and madeout like mad. I was really impressed by his restraint, because he didnt even take my clothes off. He was a total gentleman. I was so turned on by him that I totally would have went all the way with him, but he just said he wanted his time with me to be special.

I was so taken back by his kindness and how chivalrous he was that by the end of the night i was absolutely speechless.

He wants to see me again tomorrow. I said yes. He also hinted at whisking me away to the Caribbean. 

Yeah. Apparently he is Daddy Warbucks, and is a very successful businessman. He told me about his job, and he literally is Richard Gere in Pretty Woman.

Which then makes me Julia Roberts. Which makes me a… Oh jeez.

I like this guy, his life experiences fascinate me, and hes just such a nice guy. Total gentleman. Opens doors for me, hand on the back, pulls the chair out, etc. Made me feel like a million bucks tonight. I havent felt this good in a while.


BUT


Now im torn. Seriously torn. Do I pursue my feelings with a guy that is litteraly EXACTLY the guy I want, even though chances are I will get hurt and left with nothing in the end?

Or do I pursue this new man, who is basically prince charming on a white horse?

Do I tell them about each other? Do I have to make a decision right away? How what do?

Ugh.

Story of my fucking life. Thanks universe… 

So ive been thinking about this for a while. And the whole situation just irritates me and i need to vent.

A few years back, after highschool, I didnt go to post-secondary, and instead went straight into the workforce. I did pretty OK for myself at the time and was able to support myself and my lifestyle at the time. I always had some cash in my pocket and was able to treat myself to things and was able to go out if i wanted to.

When it came to the weekends, I had the means to go out, but sometimes (more often than not) my friends did not. They were in school and had to spend money on books and tuition and such, and thus, understandably, they didnt really have money for going out.

So, instead of going out by myself, I begged my friends to come out with me, and told them not to worry about paying for stuff because I would cover it. I just wanted to have fun with the people I cared about, and hated that money was a barrier. So i eliminated the barrier.

I never asked them to pay me back, they were like family to me, and i really didnt think twice about paying their way. It was about having fun, and not worrying about it.

It was fine, I could afford to do it, so its not like i went into CRAZY debt doing it. Yeah I did go into debt, but it wasnt like I didnt know what I was doing.

Now lets fast forward to the present.

I am in school. I have a part time job that pays decently for what it is, but im really living paycheque to paycheque, so can’t really afford to go out like I used to.

My friends on the other hand, are now out of school and have jobs and disposable income. One of my friends in particular has a rather large disposable income since he has virtually no expenses. Lives at home w parents.

He is among a handful of friends who have NEVER ONCE asked me to come out with them and offered to pay for me. Yet I can look back into the past and cannot count the times and the dollars that I spent on them.

I would never ask them to pay for me. Thats not my style. But they never asked me to pay for them, I always offered. And now, I know deep down that they would never in a million years think to offer to take me out.

Does this make me selfish now? That I am thinking this way about my bestest friends?

Or does this just show how big deadbeats they are?

I am honestly frustrated with this.  

…this happened to me before, not exactly the same but simillar.

Meet an awesome guy im totally into, have fun, then he stops talking to me only to message 2 weeks later that hes going steady with some new guy. Then a couple months later ends up cheating on said new guy with me. MULTIPLE TIMES.

Ya. His name was Luigi in case you were wondering.

Ya. I felt like trash after. Kinda like how I feel now.

I honestly feel like im just a side toy for people. My life is a joke. 

Meet an awesome guy,

Text/Message for a couple days.

Turns out we have a SHIT TON in common, and seriously like this dude, he seems like an awesome guy that I really want to get to know better.

Talk on phone. For HOURS. Have soooo much in common. Guy is amazing. Exchange pictures, so hot. Like. GORGEOUS. Totally my type. In Every fucking Way. Seriously.

Meet up for drinks and dinner. Have an awesome time. Laugh harder than i have laughed in months. cheeks HURTING. Have an AMAZING time. Great convo. great time with this guy. Gorgeous man.

And boom.

“Im in a relationship. And I live with him. For years. Not looking for anything beyond friends”

And now I feel like a FOOL.

Story of my Fucking Life.

/foreveralone 

I hate dating.

Love/Hate actually. I like meeting new people and getting to experience new things with people I havent met.

But I hate this “game”.

I guess I’m just lonely.

So Ronery.

 

torontostrife:

So ive recently been seeing this new chap.

Last night was date number…5?

Yeah. basically, 5 dates in about 3 or 4 weeks. not bad. 

He is sincerely and honestly an amazing guy. We laugh together, get along really well,  hes suppppperrrrr attractive and he is alot of fun. The dates we have went on, he paid and was a total gentleman and all that. Really sweet guy. Gorgeous eyes, hot body, amazing dancer, and just all around amazing personality (thus far, it has only been 5 dates, and i don’t REALLY know him all that well, but so far he has been amazing.)

Here is the thing. Hes 38. To my 24. After the last guy, who was 35, i told myself that I was done dating “significantly” older men. I have a history of going for older guys, I tell myself that its because me and my 7 year older brother werre raised sort of side by side, so i had to grow up quick. My parents never fully switched back to newborn mode when i was born.

Anyway. I don’t know how it got involved to this point, he just seemed like a really fun guy so i gave him a chance and went with it. I was newly single, and was ready to just “go for it”. And he was super nice and we had so much fun together (not bedroom fun, just honest good times drinking and talking and walking around the city)

We went to see “The Avengers” last night. we had pre dinner drinks, walked around yorkville, then had an amazing dinner, and then the movie, and then he drove me home. Super gentleman, super attentive, super nice.

On a previous date, I had noticed something…extra.

We were making out and getting into it in his car, and there was this hard, “extra” thing on his side just below his underwear line, so i never noticed it before. That, and when i was feeling around on his crotch, well, it was lets say less than a handful.

And now you all think im a shallow asshole. Don’t worry, I agree with you.

I talked about it with my nurse friends, and we went over all the possible things that extra item could have been.

Well. Two things were confirmed last night. 1: Yeah, less than a handful. 2: Its an external pouch that has had for 10 years because as a child he was diagnosed with colitis and basically, he has no colon.

I am not grossed out or anything, it is what is is. But these are two curve balls thrown in my direction.

Growing up, i never had any major health issues. Yeah, i had asthma, but it went away. I was mauled by a Rottweiler, but they sewed my head up. I fell off a ladder and cracked my skull open, but that was patched up too.

So when i encounter people who are less than 100% happy, regardless of how manageable or ordinary their lives are, knowing that they have a condition makes me worry. I worry about their health, that they are frail, that i might one day do something that could damage them further. Its wierd, i obviously know that they are no less of a person that I am, but its still something that I think about.

The last guy was an alcoholic, and I worried so much about his health and liver etc. The one before that had a weak ticker and a slew of other issues and i remember going to bed a few times scared to death that he wouldnt wake up in the morning.

I hate hosptials, doctors frighten me, im afraid of needles, and healthcare in general makes me uneasy. I just can’t deal.
And now im stuck in a terrible dilema because I don’t know what to say to this amazing person. He makes me happy, I laugh when im with him, and we have a great time together. But hes significantly older than I am, and yeah.

The cock size thing doesnt bother me as much as the other stuff. I mean, if he knows how to use it then thats all that matters. But its the other thing, its more than just “oh im diabetic, i have to check my sugar level take insulin etc”. 

All day ive been in a funk. I feel like the biggest asshole for the things im thinking, but I find it hard to think that i could date him long term. And its not just the pouch thing, its the age gap. Although I am more mature for my age, i dont think i could date someone more than 10 years older than me.

Ugh.

What do.